It’s been said enough for all of us to be sick of the old saying, ‘the eyes are a window to the soul’. While you can take whatever meaning from that as you can, there is no denying that there is a certain power behind the use of one’s eyes to communicate, that some people seem to have; while others don’t.
Well, the good news is that you aren’t simply born with or without this magical ability to let your eyes do the talking, especially when it comes to using them to ‘speak’ to women. Everybody is capable of it, and here is how you can make the most of eye contact as a non-verbal cue to communicate your attraction to others.
Understanding Non-Verbal Communication
A study at UCLA has recently found that around 97% of our communicative effectiveness can be attributed to our non-verbal communication. Non-verbal communication includes things like body posture, positioning, the clarity of your voice and of course, eye contact.
Eye contact is one of the most important non-verbal communicating tools that we as human beings have, and its effectiveness is always there, whether you realize it or not. Speak to any salesman about the importance of holding eye contact when trying to keep a potential customer interested in a product, and the most successful ones will tell you that this is true.
Now taking that information into the realm of your romantic adventures, one can see, fairly easily, just how important a tool your eyes are when talking to women, or establishing your presence in a social situation.
Unfortunately, being able to use your eyes in this way requires a certain level of confidence which can only come with pushing your boundaries. Many men find it uncomfortable gazing into the eyes of a woman they fancy, and even more still find it uncomfortable locking eyes with a rival male to assert a certain level of dominance.
The only way around this is constant practice and expanding your horizons to get yourself comfortable with using your eyes as a communicative tool, without letting them betray you.
Confidence without Being Creepy
Having the confidence to hold parley with your eyes doesn’t mean being able to beat anyone in a staring competition. There is a fine line between being sensual and inviting, and being down right creepy.
While most people would agree, that an inability to hold eye contact can make for poor conversations and assumptions that the person you are talking to has little to offer in the way of confidence, people who overdo it, tend to make people very uncomfortable.
A lingering gaze, if left too long, can feel a lot like a needy handshake that isn’t withdrawn in time, and it often makes people’s skin crawl. But at the same time, a break in eye contact at the wrong time, or one that moves in the wrong direction, can send off signals that you don’t want them to.
So, remember that your eyes are never fixed in one position, nor should they dart around like a nervous fly. The people around you will track your eye movements (consciously or unconsciously), and so being aware of what they add to what you are saying, or how they give away what you are not saying, can give you the upper hand in a conversation (even when you are not a part of it).
People track your eyes, be aware and do it as well.
Human eyes have a lot more whites in them than most other animals, which makes it easier for us to track their movements on other people; and we all do it whether we are aware of it or not.
The positioning, speed and movement of your eyes, and even the dilation of your pupils (which you have some control over) has something to say about how you feel about everyone in the room or who you are talking to, and can say a lot about how you feel about yourself. That is why learning to master the messages given off by them is such a useful skill to have.
Making Your Eyes the Window Everyone Says They Are
Most people learn (even to a small degree) how to use their eyes to enhance conversations, and you start learning this as young as three years old, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll develop the confidence to do so easily; and so, it may need some work. But nevertheless, here are a few simple ways that your eyes can say exactly what you want them to while attracting someone else.
- While talking to someone you like, it is a good idea to use their entire face as your point of focus. This is because you need to avoid staring too intently into their eyes (making them unsuitable as a focal point) so as not to make them feel uncomfortable, and you certainly don’t want to get caught staring at their chest (unless it’s that kind of girl).
- By focusing on their face, you give your eyes room to move without them darting off somewhere that may signal accidentally that the conversation is over and is not going well.
- Imagine that you are listening with your eyes. You are listening to her eyes, her lips, her cheeks and facial features; and so you should give them time during the conversation to move from point to point on her face. Five seconds on each eye, another five on her mouth, then take note of the colouring in her cheeks; people, especially women tend to notice what you are looking at, and if it is only (or never) her eyes, you may lose her quickly.
- And to end here is a little tip. Our eyes naturally dilate when we see something that we like, and so most people love to see this happen to you when you are talking to them, especially when sexuality is involved. So, next time you’ve locked eyes with a potential lover, try thinking about something that really makes you feel good and get those endorphins flowing. The first place it will show up is in the size of your pupils, and she may very well reciprocate.
About the Author
Terrence Kennedy is a lifestyle professional writer and digital nomad with a keen interest in men’s mental and physical health, life hacks, grooming, men’s fashion, sex, dating, success, career and overall day-to-day solutions for men. The world, according to him, is what you make of it. So go out there and make it amazing.