There’s a woman standing on the opposite end of the bar. She is swatting at every man that makes contact as though they were filthy flies. She’s only been there for five minutes and is clearly waiting for someone. And while logic dictates that she should be joined by someone with a face shaped equally like a smacked butt, I know I’m not the only man in the club amazed by the fact that she is soon joined by a baby-faced boyfriend, gift-wrapped package in hand, wondering if she will pull away as he goes in to kiss her hello.

Watching her disinterested interactions with him, I have to wonder as she snaps and snarls at the gift he gave her, why a man would try so hard for such a stone-cold soul crusher? Sure, she is hot; but is that enough?

So, I got to ask some of my female friends, some of which are no stranger to being mean themselves, and with their help, seem to have developed a better understanding of why exactly men are so attracted to mean women.

Here is what I learned:

For starters: We are Competitive

All men, even the humblest of us, are largely driven by testosterone. This makes us a little competitive, and whether you admit it or not, makes us seek challenges in the people around us.

Mean girls have a tendency to keep you on your toes, especially the most unpredictable of them, and it is this type of challenge which a lot of men are attracted to. A mean girl, to put it simply is a challenge. If you can win over the affections of a particularly cold person, you are likely doing something right. And so, there is something in them that begs us to conquer them; for better or for worse.

Winning a chase with a mean girl does something spectacular to your confidence, and this is but one trait seen in the alpha-male type that a mean woman can nurture.

We associate rough behavior with rough lovemaking

If she is so frisky in the public eye, just imagine what she would do to you behind closed doors. Whether you are aware of it or not, this is the sort of thought that might cross your mind when you come across someone who is particularly mean.

A lot of men (particularly the timid ones) have a desire to experience domination in the bedroom; and while nice girls are unlikely to go the extra mile with nails, slaps, whips, and chains; we assume that the mean girls will.

It shows us she is independent

If you’ve ever had an overly needy girlfriend, you’ll know how off-putting it can be. Traditional relationship dynamics have been slowly shifting over the last two decades or so because society has evolved to a point where traditional roles (the homely wife and hard-working man) barely apply anymore.

Relationships have come to resemble more of a team these days, where no party wants to be overly dependent on, or responsible for the other.

When we see mean girls, we automatically associate their cattiness with independence and strength, which is far from being the “wifey” with a martini at the door in the ’50s, has come to be an appealing trait in any partner.

We are addicted to what we can’t have

When people say ‘opposites attract’, I often just translate that to ‘we want what we can’t have’, or at least what we are not used to.

There is some sort of mystery enshrouding the mean girl. You know for a fact that she has a wad of hidden secrets and surprises which you will only ever come to know by getting a little closer to her, but the more you try, the more she pushes you away.

This creates a sense of ‘a hot victory for a hot battle’, where men find themselves ensnared by the (possibly empty) promise of her having something new to show him that nice girls are generally too boring to possess. This, of course, is a massive assumption on a man’s part, since nice girls are full of surprises too.

It is often all about the chase, however, building our confidence and getting lost in the excitement of pursuing the one that so many other men have let get away.

We will vie for their attention because even though their compliments come few and far between (and often entwined with some sort of snarky comment), a word of acknowledgment from someone who never gives them, means so much more than if it came from someone we associate to be nice – such is the way of life, not just for men; but for women as well.