I need to get laid ASAP, we’ve all said this to ourselves – both men and women. Unless you’re a monk or a master of meditation, you can only go for so long without sexual gratification.

As men, we’ve all reached that point where our hand gets old, and we need to meet a member of the opposite sex.

This article isn’t meant to teach you how to game, how to be a player or any of that nonsense. It also won’t lead you to any dead ends or weird sites that guarantee free sex.

If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is.

What’s up, everyone? This is 199, checking back into the site after a brief hiatus. I decided to start with this post because there’s a lot of fluff out there on this subject.

This post is meant to inform you about the best methods to get laid tonight, guaranteed, in the clearest, most concise way possible.

Whether you need to get laid ASAP, tonight, or have a bit of time on your hands before you burst into flames, I’ve got you covered.

Now, without further ado, let’s make it happen.

Top 5 Ways to Get Laid Tonight, the Guaranteed 199 Edition

The first way is obvious, yet it’s an approach that has always – and will always – work.

#1 Hire a Pro

Let’s face it, money talks. There’s a price for everything in this world. If you have money to spend and need to get laid ASAP, you may need to open your wallet – just be careful when the moths fly out.

There are plenty of men who take this approach and feel zero shame.

Heck, I’ve met guys who have game and still use this approach because they’re into it and have money to spend.

Personally, I don’t use or prefer this approach because I find that full gratification is unachievable. I’m better off doing the job myself.

Even when I have a one-night stand, there’s enough of a human connection to make it an overall better experience than hiring a pro.

But that’s just me.

You may find that it’s worth the money and gets the job done.

Plus, once you relieve yourself of that tension, weight, you’ll have a better chance of meeting non-pros.

If this method is for you, you might as well summon Siri now to find out where the pros are at in your area.

Remember to wrap it up.

#2 Regression

Desperate times call for desperate measures, my friends.

When I say regression, I mean going back to an ex or looking through your phone contacts for an old flame.

Considering you need to get laid ASAP, you need to throw emotions that come from the big brain out the window.

Sure, you might feel some emotional pain or turmoil once the deed is done, but was it worth it to relieve your physical body?

Weigh the pros and cons.

I know when I’m in the mood to get laid tonight, not tomorrow, my rational thinking experiences a major downgrade.

And I love that feeling because it reminds me that I’m an animal.

It irks me when humans put themselves on pedestals, thinking they’re too good to succumb to bodily needs – but that’s a thought for another article.

#3 Tinder Your Way to a Lay

Tinder is my favorite dating app to get laid guaranteed.

If you’re having trouble finding success on Tinder, don’t worry, you’re part of the majority.

Most men fail on Tinder while the rest of us have the time of our lives.

I laugh when I see a report online written by a guy who’s crying about getting no matches on Tinder.

Boo-hoo, buddy.

If you don’t want to be one of those guys, buy my book and learn my Great White Mindset to Tinder, all my secret methods, and bonus hacks to get laid like a rockstar.

Here’s an example of how quickly I get laid on Tinder (and you can too once you learn my secrets):

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#4 Don’t Fap

This method to get you laid tonight may seem unconventional, but it’s perhaps the most powerful on the list.

When you fap, you only delay the inevitable.

Soon, you’ll face the same dilemma, saying once again to yourself, I need to get laid ASAP.

Here’s my theory:

When we fap as men, we can only achieve momentary satisfaction because only a woman has the power to give us a full, deep release. For this reason, I’m an on-again, off-again admitted sex addict.

Back to the point: If you don’t fap, you’ll be much more inclined to go out and meet women.

In reality, you’ll be more motivated to do a lot of things, which could help you attract women on a regular basis.

Since this article is about getting laid tonight, the nofap approach still applies because it’ll keep you dedicated to working on your regression (#2), Tindering until dawn, or committing to hiring a pro.

#5 Go to the Bar and/or approach women in public

I almost didn’t want to include this method since it’s been so beaten to death on beginner PUA blogs and other assorted cookie-cutter game blogs that swap spit with each other.

The reason I put #4 before #5 is that #4 directly correlates to #5.

You need extra motivation to get laid tonight, and those things swimming around down in your nether regions are the ultimate motivators.

Without them, you’re nothing.

You couldn’t even make it work once you meet the girl without those. Always remember that.

Now, dig this.

The best places to meet women in public are conveniently located almost everywhere in the world.

If you choose the bar route instead of the best public places route, there are three rules to follow:

  • Don’t go above buzz level. Sloppy drunk coitus will only lead you back to square one.
  • Keep grinding until the bars close unless you find a match before closing time.
  • Be careful when choosing a wingman. Either go out with a confirmed good wingman or go solo. Bad wingmen are more common than good ones and one of the great banes of human existence.

As Einstein once said:

Keep fighting until the last buzzer sounds.

Final Thoughts to Get Laid Guaranteed

These are the top 5 methods in my book to get laid ASAP.

It’s up to you to implement them.

A woman isn’t magically going to crawl out of your computer screen and satisfy you (even though that would be awesome).

I ordered the list with the easiest method first and the most difficult last.

Bonus Tip: If you’re a guy with high standards, and you’re still reading this article right now, I have no sympathy for you. Real men who need to get laid ASAP don’t have high standards. They only lament later after the deed is done.